Thursday, March 24, 2011

Pittsburgh Show and Tell

“Show and Tell – Father Edition” in a private school near Pittsburgh. Fathers such as Brent Johnson, Alexei Kovalev, Mike Comrie, Mario Lemieux, Sergei Gonchar, and Bill Guerin are lined up against the chalkboard as one by one; the students get to show off their dad. Let’s join in half way…

Sara Lemieux: “…she really deserved it. She called me a frog! Anyways after her plastic surgery and her parents’ suing us, my dad had to play hockey again just so I could come here.”

Mario Lemieux: “Uh, honey. Maybe that’s enough sharing for now, k?”

Sara: “But Dadddd, I haven’t told them about when Creepy Crosby moved in!”

Mario: “Do as I say, or you’re moving to Kansas City!”

Sara puts her head down and walks back to her desk slowly.

Teacher: “Okayyyyyy…. How about our new student in class? Viktor Kovalev. Your turn to step up.”

Alexei Kovalev: “You know, he doesn’t have to if he doesn’t feel like it.”

Teacher: “Well, we all have to do things we don’t feel like doing.”

Alexei looks stunned. Recovering, he nods to his son.
Viktor Kovalev falls out of his desk screaming: “Ouch! Owww! My wrist. It’s broken!”

Sergei Gonchar whispering to Bill Guerin: “Just like the Ottawa Senators.”

Teacher: “Looks like we need someone else. Sammy Johnson. Your turn.”

Sammy Johnson climbs out of his desk and walks to the front of the room.
Sammy: “My dad sits on the bench, and whenever he’s not, he’s getting pucks shot by him.”

Brent Johnson (turns beet red): “Buddy, that’s not how we practiced.”

Sammy: “But that’s what that guy said!” (pointing at Guerin).

Guerin hides a smile.
Brent Johnson walks over and one-punches him in the face. “That’s for playing for the Islanders!”

After this is proven true, Bill Guerin and his son are kicked out of the school. Brent Johnson receives no discipline.

Teacher: “Maybe we should end right there today class.”

Students: “Yey!”

As they are packing up Matt Cooke rushes in: “Sorry I’m late.”

Mike Comrie mutters: “Just like your hits.”

Taken aback, Matt Cooke replies: “At least people care about my hits. That’s more than I can I say about your wife’s music.”

Comrie looks at Mario Lemieux: “Is this guy still on our team?”

Cooke responds: “I could ask the same about you!”

Lemieux: “Calm down guys. No one’s getting kicked off the team. Doesn’t matter if your lazy or dirty. We’re a team and we don’t quit on each other. We win as a team and lose as a team—which is just what we’ll do if we see an excellent draft pick coming...

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