Saturday, January 14, 2012

Current NHL Standings with Possible Realignment

Random Thoughts:
Winnipeg is 3 points out and would have to jump 2 teams to get in the playoffs presently, but under this set up, they are 7 points out and would have to jump 3 teams.
-Seems Donald Fehr may have some Manitoba moccasins waiting for him as a gift in Winnipeg. But he better pick them up before he helps cancel the Jets second season back!

Dallas and Minnesota could loudly complain they would have made the 'Dance' in any other conference.
-Of course they'd be eerily quiet when asked about winning the first round.

Vancouver is only two points ahead of second place this year, but under the new system would have a 6-point cushion.
-A cushion would be a nice change from the pillow they've been crying into this year.

Most think Ottawa and Florida are over-achieving this year. That means the Bruins could start booking their Conference Finals tickets already. Not too different from this season...

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Pittsburgh Show and Tell

“Show and Tell – Father Edition” in a private school near Pittsburgh. Fathers such as Brent Johnson, Alexei Kovalev, Mike Comrie, Mario Lemieux, Sergei Gonchar, and Bill Guerin are lined up against the chalkboard as one by one; the students get to show off their dad. Let’s join in half way…

Sara Lemieux: “…she really deserved it. She called me a frog! Anyways after her plastic surgery and her parents’ suing us, my dad had to play hockey again just so I could come here.”

Mario Lemieux: “Uh, honey. Maybe that’s enough sharing for now, k?”

Sara: “But Dadddd, I haven’t told them about when Creepy Crosby moved in!”

Mario: “Do as I say, or you’re moving to Kansas City!”

Sara puts her head down and walks back to her desk slowly.

Teacher: “Okayyyyyy…. How about our new student in class? Viktor Kovalev. Your turn to step up.”

Alexei Kovalev: “You know, he doesn’t have to if he doesn’t feel like it.”

Teacher: “Well, we all have to do things we don’t feel like doing.”

Alexei looks stunned. Recovering, he nods to his son.
Viktor Kovalev falls out of his desk screaming: “Ouch! Owww! My wrist. It’s broken!”

Sergei Gonchar whispering to Bill Guerin: “Just like the Ottawa Senators.”

Teacher: “Looks like we need someone else. Sammy Johnson. Your turn.”

Sammy Johnson climbs out of his desk and walks to the front of the room.
Sammy: “My dad sits on the bench, and whenever he’s not, he’s getting pucks shot by him.”

Brent Johnson (turns beet red): “Buddy, that’s not how we practiced.”

Sammy: “But that’s what that guy said!” (pointing at Guerin).

Guerin hides a smile.
Brent Johnson walks over and one-punches him in the face. “That’s for playing for the Islanders!”

After this is proven true, Bill Guerin and his son are kicked out of the school. Brent Johnson receives no discipline.

Teacher: “Maybe we should end right there today class.”

Students: “Yey!”

As they are packing up Matt Cooke rushes in: “Sorry I’m late.”

Mike Comrie mutters: “Just like your hits.”

Taken aback, Matt Cooke replies: “At least people care about my hits. That’s more than I can I say about your wife’s music.”

Comrie looks at Mario Lemieux: “Is this guy still on our team?”

Cooke responds: “I could ask the same about you!”

Lemieux: “Calm down guys. No one’s getting kicked off the team. Doesn’t matter if your lazy or dirty. We’re a team and we don’t quit on each other. We win as a team and lose as a team—which is just what we’ll do if we see an excellent draft pick coming...

Monday, March 14, 2011

Eastern Conference Surprises

The Eastern Conference has been full of surprises this season. From Kovalchuk’s huge contract and New Jersey’s big turn around in the second half, to significant injuries to Crosby, Savard, and Pacioretty, this season has had its share of twists and turns. For more surprises, real or imagined, keep reading:

Pittsburgh Penguins: The Wilkes-Barre/Scranton team plus Fleury and Letang can actually win a few games. Dwight Schrute approves.

NY Islanders: Tavares hasn’t yet been signed to a monster 30 year contract worth $1 billion.

Ottawa Senators: Are such a horrible team, even “Mr. Anderson” can’t save them. Of course, we all thought that about the Matrix too.

NY Rangers: Tortorella waited throughout all of last season to crush Gaborik’s spirit and render him ineffective. He’s since made up for lost time.

Florida Panthers: Got away with convincing at least one other NHL team that all Nathan Horton needed was good linemates.

Tampa Bay Lightning: Got away with convincing everyone that that Stamkos guy is just really their GM in makeup.

Boston Bruins: Chara isn’t the big lovable Slovak teddy bear we all thought he was.

Carolina Hurricanes: Their captain gives prideful Toronto a spoonful of hockey market comeuppance by picking Kessel last at the All Star game.

Washington Capitals: Their captain learns defense, but forgets how to score goals.

Buffalo Sabres: An owner that actually spent his own money to buy the team. What a novelty!

Atlanta Thrashers: Their still in Georgia.

Montreal Canadiens: Contrary to what their fans thought at the time, they got the Halak trade right, but traded the wrong Kostitsyn.

New Jersey Devils: They ruined a very good chance of drafting in the top 3 this summer with MacLean coaching. And they got rid of him why?

Toronto Maple Leafs: Finally traded Kaberle to one of the only teams he’d go to and got back a king’s ransom. I don’t know, maybe Chiarelli owed Burke one?

Philadelphia Flyers: It isn’t surprising they’ve traded their first rounder, but it is surprising it was for a 3rd liner on one of the league’s worst teams.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

NHLers Lose Things Too

Joffrey Lupul just had his iPhone returned after he left it in a Toronto taxi. He sent out a tweet on Twitter and his followers were quick to call the taxi company. He isn’t the only NHLer losing things, here are a few of the more noticeable ones.

Mike Fisher: Nashville Home Buyers Guide-- Where else is he going to live in Nashville?

PA Parenteau: His first name-- Really. Come now. He wasn't named after Papa Bear was he?

Sidney Crosby: His memories of the Olympic-winning goal-- Not really that important if he can’t remember his name either.

James Riemer: His fireproof armour-- Because its essential being a Canadian playing net in the frying pan known as Toronto.

Mark Recchi: His typewriter-- He needs it to ‘type’ his ‘letters’ to take to the ‘post office’.

Jeff Skinner: Justin Beiber hair piece-- Without it he can’t complete the transformation into the NHL’s much needed heartthrob.

Cary Price: Halak’s shadow-- Actually he meant to lose it.

Ovechkin and Backstrom: Their mojo-- We’re pretty sure Stamkos and St. Louis stole it.

Paul Bissonnette: His iPhone in the toilet-- What do you expect from Twooping?

Ian White: Himself-- You would too if you were traded from one side of the map to the other this many times in a year...

Matthew Hulsizer: His mind-- Enough said.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Cities Deserving of NHL Teams

Should get good support from being the only professional sports team in town.  That is, after the Blue Bombers move to Phoenix.
Players will find it even more undesirable than Edmonton—due to Winnipeg being exactly like Edmonton.  But smaller.

A new team will threaten the Maples Leafs’ monopoly and will mean they’ll need a good product to compete with the upstart franchise
That good product will always be 5 years from now.  Same as it was 30 years ago.

Las Vegas
Visiting players will be so distracted by the night life; the home team has a good chance to win.
The home team players will be so distracted partying with the visiting players, the game’s entertainment value will be surpassed by Celine Dion.

Quebec City
Renew the Canadiens/Nordiques rivalry.  And by ‘rivalry’ we mean Montreal beating them terribly again and again.  Over and over.
It won’t appease the fans who want to “bring the NHL back to Canada” because Quebec won’t technically be in Canada for much longer.

San Diego/San Antonio/Houston
Players will be close to their offseason homes in the Caribbean.
The Canadian media will scare away the Sunbelt fans with their hockey-doesn’t-belong-in-the-south talk.  What?  You mean that’s not the only reason teams aren’t selling out in Phoenix, Atlanta and Miami?

When they can’t sell out their games, no one can blame them for being too far south.
Their warm-up music will be nothing but Nirvana on repeat.

Arena in place and just needs some upgrades.
As a child, Bettman was bullied whenever he went to Computer Camp near Hamilton.  He’s not much for forgiveness.

Kansas City
Arena is very new and very empty
After what they named their team in the ‘70’s, they might name their team the “Girl Guides”.  We can’t take that chance.

City already supports veteran hockey players on the Connecticut Whale.
They are a poor representation as they are named Wade Redden and Todd White.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

That First Post

Just to get it over with, here is Sticks and Giggles' first post.

Welcome to our site.

Sticks and Giggles was started for the, well, kicks and giggles.  Don't take anything seriously (unless we tell you to), and don't try to read into anything we say.

For the most part we will be discussing, dissecting and possibly dissing, the world of hockey.